Why Buy Mixerman?

As you may have heard by now, The Daily Adventures of Mixerman is now available as a hardbound book. I can spare you the sales pitch by providing you an immediate link to purchase the book. We thank you, in advance, for your patronage. Click below:

Yes, absolutely. I don't need any convincing.
I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

What are you doing? Why are you reading on? You need me to convince you to buy something that you’ve already enjoyed? How often is it that you get to read a book before actually purchasing it? Hmmmm…OK, perhaps you haven’t actually read the diary. Here’s how music critic Gina Arnold summed it up.

"The Daily Adventures of Mixerman Mixerman is a recording engineer working with a famous producer on the debut album of an unknown band with a giant recording budget. Mixerman is supposed to be writing about recording techniques, but somehow, through that prism, he has hit upon a gripping story. Like all great narratives, Mixerman's diary has many anti-heroes for whom we, the reader, can have nothing but contempt. The band consists of the four most dislikable human beings you can imagine. The singer is vain and pretentious. The guitarist is a serious depressive. The drummer is as "dumb as cotton," and the bassist is merely mean and petty, making him the only one that Mixerman can stand. All four of them hate each other's guts, and they haven't even been on tour yet.

"...Read Mixerman, and you'll never wonder why the music on the radio is so crappy again"
--Gina Arnold, Metro Newspapers www.metroactive.com

Wow! What a great summation. It brings me back! Yes! I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

You're still here? You want me to lay out specific reasons to purchase the book? Would you like bullet points? OK fine. Here are the bullet points:

Would I Try To Sell You Crap . . .

...only to have to read about it later on the internet? I don’t think so. You’re purchasing a high-quality product that you can place prominently in your abode and your workplace. People will marvel at how well read you are since you actually display fine literature. People will find the cover to be beautiful, and will want to hold it in their hands, possibly caress it. This could lead to other positive things in your life.

Suffice it to say, the book is NOT some slipshod manuscript job printed from a sleazy ink-jet style Printer-On-Demand and then sloppily placed in a presentation folder. Quite the opposite, really. This is a bona-fide book; the real deal. It is a book that you can proudly display prominently on your coffee table, or in your music room, or in your studio, or even (dare I say it?) next to your toilet. Rest assured, I spent an inordinate amount of time preparing this book to be in full view; not to be tucked away in the second row of your dog-eared, ugly, worn-out harlequin romance paperback books.

Wow! It sounds stunning! Sign me up. I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Mixerman Cleans Up Real Nice

You get to read the edited version of the book, as it was intended to be read, rather than the rough draft. You see, the original posted diaries were very rough indeed. More importantly, they did not contain all of the pertinent details for reasons that shall become obvious when you BUY AND READ THE BOOK!
As one might expect, the original text of the story has been edited. The general content of the diary has remained the same, as I can not change the events of what has already happened. What I HAVE edited is the delivery of some entries to provide a more readable story. I promise you, I did not edit this product to death. I have gone through great pains to ensure the flavor of the diary remains the same.

Wow! It sounds better than ever! I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

You Want To Know How It Ends

If you’ve only recently read the on-line version, then you have only read 2/3rds of the book. You have not read a large chunk of the story, and you should purchase a book immediately, because quite frankly, you’re missing the best parts of the book. Click here: I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

On the other hand, if you read the diary as it was originally posted, then let me be perfectly clear: you pretty much know the whole story as it happened. Yes, there have been some additions. For instance, you will finally find out what really happened during the hissy fit—very important information which I was precluded from supplying at the time.

Aside from the various new tidbits of information that I couldn’t supply at the time, are some new sections. In the book you will find the following: a Final Entry, containing the after-story and my final thoughts on the whole debacle; a very insightful and well presented Foreword written by Philip Stevenson; and a Glossary of Terms containing definitions of some of the more technically and socially obscure terminology. So, you see, there is plenty more than just an ending for you.

I’m not saying the ending isn’t good, (oh, it’s good!) I’m just suggesting, if you read the diaries as they were originally posted (as opposed to having read them recently), you shouldn’t expect another 100 pages in entries and a continued storyline. Not in THIS book anyway. You can look for something like that at ProSoundWeb.com in the very near future, when I resume the diaries again with what will likely become the second book.

Peer Pressure Works

All your friends are buying it. Of course they are! And if you ask them, they’re going to think you’re some kind of weirdo for not having clicked the link already. The Daily Adventures of Mixerman, was read by over 150,000 people on their computer screens, and visited by nearly 25,000 visitors on a daily basis. You see? You’re not alone. Now, CLICK THE DAMN LINK AND BUY THE BOOK!
Shit! I don’t want to be the last person on my block to own one. I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Support the Arts

You feel that people that bring you extensive hours of entertainment should be rewarded in some small way for their efforts. Not in a gratuitous charitable sort of way, but rather by actually purchasing literature that you have, for the most part, already read and enjoyed thoroughly.

If I have supplied any kind of enjoyment for you, then you should probably purchase a book. In fact, if that’s the case then it is your karmic duty to purchase at least one copy of this book--for it is important to support those that supply you with such enjoyment. Besides, if you own the book, you will be able to enjoy Mixerman again and again, for years to come.

Please! Of course I want to support the Arts. I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Oh, My Aching Eyes!

You couldn’t manage to really read the entire Diary, because you came late, and it was harder than hell for you to read a story of this length on a computer screen. Those crappy print-outs sucked almost as bad as the screen. Look, I happen to know there are many of you out there that read a portion of this story, but did not have the patience to read it on the computer screen. I can assure you, had I been in your position, I would have had a similar problem. I absolutely hate reading long stories on a computer. Now you have the opportunity to read it as a book in your bed like a civilized human. Why are you still here?

You’re right, Mixerman! The Diary certainly looked funny, but I can’t read a book on the internet. Now I have the opportunity to understand what everyone was talking about. I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Market, Shmarket

I would contend that this book will turn out to be a VERY good investment. Yes, given that this is the first run of the book, it is highly possible that it will have some sort of value one day. I have big plans for this saga--movies; television; big publishing companies; action hero dolls. You never know, the first edition of this publication could be worth a lot of money one day. As if that’s not enough to convince you, I have no intention of replicating this first run. That’s right; the second run of books will look completely different, almost guaranteeing their future value.

For these reasons, I recommend extra copies be purchased and carefully strapped into stiff board, wrapped with a minimum of 30 full rotations of bubble wrap, and then covered with plain brown paper so as to not arouse suspicion. This packaging will prevent fraying of the dust jacket's edges. I would also recommend the package, which is now rather large, be kept in an oxygen-free, light-free and temperature controlled environment. This will ensure that you have a mint condition copy years down the line--a copy which could provide you with a wonderful family heirloom worth possibly tens of thousands of doll hairs. Do you think you could get that kind of return on your $19.95 in the stock market? Certainly not! Yes, you would be forever held in high esteem by future generations of your relatives for your remarkable and legendary ability to recognize a truly good investment when you see one.

What the hell am I waiting for?
I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Do You Do Gift Wrapping?

Mixerman makes great gifts. Even the 78 year old mom of one of my proofreaders loved the book. Trust me; 78 year old moms and even 78 year old grandmoms can handle the salty language. They were around during WWII, and they probably read Catcher in the Rye when it first came out! Yes, they make great gifts for ALL ages, and people of ALL interests. In fact, I recommend that you buy at least 10 copies as gifts. You can give the gift of Mixerman for birthdays, religious holidays, get well gifts, thank you gifts, even graduation gifts!

Think about this: why should you waste another afternoon in the mall wasting time shopping for a graduation gift for your Mook Nephew that never calls you? Surely, he doesn’t deserve a gift at all, but politically, you and I both know, you’ve got to buy him one. Think of the time you can save. No longer will you have to shop for gifts, wondering if what you buy will actually be appreciated. Seriously, your Dad doesn’t want another fucking tie, OK? Buy him the damn book. He’ll thank you and thank you and thank you for years to come. Ten years from now, he’ll tell you that it was the best present he ever got. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. You’ll never want to buy another kind of gift again after you see the reaction of your gift recipients.

How can I be so stupid to have waited even this long? Times’ a wastin’!
I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Say, This book Is Affordable!

At $19.95 for a book, and $4.95 shipping and handling, it costs more to eat a decent dinner out; it costs more to fill up your car with gas; it costs more to pay your water bill; it costs more to go to a movie with a date and eat popcorn; it costs more to pay your internet bill which allowed you to read this story in the first place. Do you really think your ISP deserves the money more than me? At least I make you come to me to get spammed!

Remember, this story is not going to be online forever. The book’s not going to be in print forever. I can assure you, I won’t be keeping the book at this price forever, because the costs to make, sell, and ship these books is high. The cost of properly packaging and shipping one book is actually greater than what we are actually charging. Given these costs, it would be nearly impossible for me to sell the book for less. Therefore the price will likely only go up from here.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, DON’T WAIT to purchase this book. In fact, you should probably take this opportunity to purchase several copies because they’re not going to last.

Holy, Moly! $19.95? You can’t get a hard cover book for that cheap these days. That’s a bargain that won’t last! I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

OK, that’s 9 good reasons to buy the book. Now, stop fucking around and please click the link. Purchase your copies now. It will only take a few minutes of your time, and it will provide you and your loved ones with hours upon hours of enjoyment. It will provide you with gifts for the rest of the year. It will provide you with a conversation piece. It will provide you with a long term investment. It will supply you with the knowledge that you’ve supported the arts. It will supply you with eternal enjoyment as you can read from it on a Daily basis for the rest of your life. Yes, buy your book now. Do not delay!

OK! OK! I’m convinced. Yes,
I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

What are you waiting for???? Do you think I’m going to offer you a set of knives or something?

I give up! Ya got me!
I WANT MY MIXERMAN!!!!

Enjoy,
Mixerman